I Don't Want

today my "da yi ma" came. the part is always painful and killing me for the 1st and 2nd day. jz hate this too much. going to consult a doctor soon. hopefully there's nothing wrong wit my body.

when i was in the school, the radiated pain entered my heart and brain. i need a rest. i lied on the table wit tchr's permission. i couldn't bear it any more. i felt very dizzy and feeble. as if going to faint. i wanted to go home. manda and jane helped me out. thx~ and my tchr as well =)

last time, whenever i was suffering from tis. i had a routine - telling him my situation to ease the discomfort of my mind. it would always slightly ease the pain. but now, i hv abolished tis habit. NO, is i shud abolish this.

i saw his blog. wad i oni know, is my heart undergoing numbness now. do i regret? is my decision correct? is he faithful and honest? and the most vital thing... will he wait? i have no idea. coz i dunno wad he's thinking now. i also dun really get him. is there anything special wit 23rd of april?

but i really dun understand boys sumtimes. it's a very deep knowledge for me to explore. their thinking is absolutely weird. last time, i tot i'm able to understand them very well as i used to be playful and rude like them when i was a kid. and i promised myself not to let my future bf or husband to suffer from the same hardships. but then, when i grow bigger, being a young girl now. i can't figure it out any more. i dun trust boys now, except the boy i know since standard one. he always keep his promises and is a very kind person i'd ever met.

actually, i didn't tell him my opinion on the marriage of my aunt b4 we broke up. coz i knew he was very busy. it's pointless to explain tis to him. most probably, he would think tat i was over-worried. my uncle hit my aunt in singapore. he pushed her towards the wall. i saw a bruise on her forehead. i felt very afraid. even though he is rich, his real attitude beneath his gentlemanly appearance terrified me a lot. in the past few months, i always picked up the calls from my aunt. she sobbed at another end of the phone. i knew, her marriage is going to crumple up wit divorce.

and i...

DUN WISH TO FOLLOW HER PATH AND

REGRET,

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.