Not Going to PRS Camp of 2010

my mom didn't allow me to go to the PRS camping in PD. well, i could fathom it well without any explanation is given by her though. she gave some kinda unreasonable excuses. but i know she's worried about me. =)

but when i told my buddies, they kinda upset. in another word, i might say they were almost mad. not insane la. haih. at the beginning, 1 of my frenz said her mom allowed her go there wit her brother's company. but then, when i told her tat i'm not going, she said her mom doesn't allow as well... jz bcoz of me T.T

aiyo... y did she go and tell her mom leh... mb she had her own difficulties? yea. everything is messed up now. den the others also dun wan to go aldi. haiz... in fact, i was so scared when i met them at the tapak perhimpunan yst morning. u know. i was so sure tat they would keep grumbling and those questions starting from the word "Why" would scatter on my head. it was really terrible and horrifying~ ceaseless nagging is scary! blah blah blah blah blah blah... =.=

after all, they are my sweethearts. i won't mind abt tat. but hor... if anyone of u saw tis, errmmmm... if can, IF la.... stop nagging O.o~ =) *please don't murder me arh...

I Don't Want

today my "da yi ma" came. the part is always painful and killing me for the 1st and 2nd day. jz hate this too much. going to consult a doctor soon. hopefully there's nothing wrong wit my body.

when i was in the school, the radiated pain entered my heart and brain. i need a rest. i lied on the table wit tchr's permission. i couldn't bear it any more. i felt very dizzy and feeble. as if going to faint. i wanted to go home. manda and jane helped me out. thx~ and my tchr as well =)

last time, whenever i was suffering from tis. i had a routine - telling him my situation to ease the discomfort of my mind. it would always slightly ease the pain. but now, i hv abolished tis habit. NO, is i shud abolish this.

i saw his blog. wad i oni know, is my heart undergoing numbness now. do i regret? is my decision correct? is he faithful and honest? and the most vital thing... will he wait? i have no idea. coz i dunno wad he's thinking now. i also dun really get him. is there anything special wit 23rd of april?

but i really dun understand boys sumtimes. it's a very deep knowledge for me to explore. their thinking is absolutely weird. last time, i tot i'm able to understand them very well as i used to be playful and rude like them when i was a kid. and i promised myself not to let my future bf or husband to suffer from the same hardships. but then, when i grow bigger, being a young girl now. i can't figure it out any more. i dun trust boys now, except the boy i know since standard one. he always keep his promises and is a very kind person i'd ever met.

actually, i didn't tell him my opinion on the marriage of my aunt b4 we broke up. coz i knew he was very busy. it's pointless to explain tis to him. most probably, he would think tat i was over-worried. my uncle hit my aunt in singapore. he pushed her towards the wall. i saw a bruise on her forehead. i felt very afraid. even though he is rich, his real attitude beneath his gentlemanly appearance terrified me a lot. in the past few months, i always picked up the calls from my aunt. she sobbed at another end of the phone. i knew, her marriage is going to crumple up wit divorce.

and i...

DUN WISH TO FOLLOW HER PATH AND

REGRET,

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Sports Day of SMK TD2

today was the sports day of my school for the 2nd time. i joined the marching and 4x100m race. huhuhu... i prayed desperately so tat it wouldn't rain yst. hmmph, unfortunately it rained cat and dog since ystd midnight till tis morning. the field was so damp and muddy.

we (Pandu Puteri) were informed not to avoid from the mud and puddles when we marched. omg... my pants and shoes were extremely damp. then, we had to stand under the hot sun as our principle giving a speech for the opening ceremony. aft about 30 minutes, we bak to our initial position n "keluar baris". turned to right, plak~ the water splashed everywhere onto everyone! haha. den 1, 2, 3... bye bye~

i waited so long for my turn to run. wad the hell la... my event was the last one to be carried out. sabarlah~ ^^ at least i could know which part was the most slippery, so tat i wouldn't fall. while i was waiting, i watched the boys running.

there's a boy who could run like EDWARD CULLEN in NEW MOON!!!!! he's so fast like a cheetah! so cool~ i couldn't imagine how he was able to do so. it's like... ermmm... there's no air existing around him as he could run relaxedly... COOL MAN~ tis is an eye-opening experience for me. (u can't imagine his running speed if u dun see the scene before ur eyes!) i still wanna say: he's too cool! (*unfortunately he's not my rumah T.T)

hooahoo~ finally it's my turn to run. i was so nervous. coz i worried tat i'll fall like i did last year. it's very embarrassing. wad a poor man! ys slipped at the beginning, so our speed was slowed down apparently. i was the 3rd runner. from the bak, i saw my another fren running calmly towards me. if i'm not mistaken, she was the 2nd one at the moment. i gripped the baton tightly. i muttered softly: dun be panic. stay steady. there's no water in front of you! RUN RUN RUN!!!! i ran thru despite of the puddles and mud. hey~ i finished running! i didn't slip!! yeah!

but the aft i passed the baton to my fren, she slipped not far away. kesian hana... she stood up quickly and continue the racing! hoooray!!! we did it~ we got the 3rd place! hehehe ^^ good job, my sweeties! haha.

i got sunburn almost all over my body. my nose, my cheeks, my neck, and my ARMS especially!!! haih... so painful and itchy here. too bad. in my opinion, my darkened skin will take at least 3 months to become fair like before. *i'm heart-broken over my pitiful skin T.T

although we didn't get the 1st place tat we wanted thirstily, at least we stood up and ran! ys n hana... ^^ tq alot!

Days Full of Overwhelming Pressure

i'm so busy tis few days. many things gotta be done by this week. rushing here... rushing there... almost forget to take a breath.

1st: i have to decorate the chinese corner. jz to win the particular competition. well, some didn't hand in the information to me. i can't do anything. so i guess i can oni use those wit me. haiz... might stay bak at school tmr again. (i'd been staying bak everyday in tis week)

before i continue listing out my following "projects", i would like to tell u the "expedition of the story" ==...

ystd our khb tchr appeared at the bak door of our classroom. den my dear n cute fren who spoke to the tchr, telling me tat our class lack of 3 things which r the knacks to beat the othrs in the class-decorating competition~ walao... she said all these must be done b4 the tchr go on patrol n do judgement class by class---- tat means: the dateline is tis fri! huh...=O

2nd: here comes the hell... 1stly, our school vision--- DISIPLIN KUALITI CEMERLANG must be displayed on the wall of our class... i'd decided to do it when i have free time during weekend... AND NOW~ it has to be done b4 fri... 2days to go... BUT we have sports day tmr T.T so we oni have 1 day left!!! oh my GOSH~ yet, very fortunately, the mentioned girl volunteered to help my prepare, print n cut the letters out...i'm really grateful to have such a good helper~ thx ya ^^ (instead of having a so call penolong ketua keceriaan of good escaper from jobs.u know, it's a boy. boys always act so, n i'd got used to it) i climbed on the table n pasted them above the whiteboard. my t-shirt was wet thru by sweat... huhu~!!

3rd: another condition is to have a sudut bacaan~ haih... heihei...boy... i'll keep grumbling if u don't keep ur promises!! =.= i asked him to prepare a table 4 me (i passed him a note during lesson... shhh~ =D) i saw he wrote: why it's me? hmmph... "why is the others?" i murmured in my mind. luckily, didn;t know where did he get the table from. a table was sitting at the corner behind of the classroom. dun 4get to collect the books from our class students ya! well, u dun hv to worry, i'll remind u around the clock tmr~

4rd: sudut PPDA!! i didn't find tis hard 4 me. all thx to my counselling tchr! hehe... i got the brochures from her as well as i found some articles abt PPDA n drugs on the internet. the oni thing is i had to figure out the decoration of the title "SUDUT PPDA". i simply did it, but i think it's not too bad... at least, it's not an eye-sore for me, haha... so, i'd done it today during stay-back-time~ woahoo =)

i think aft tis week, i 'll get bak my relaxing life. finally i can bak to my revision n preparation 4 the exam~!! i'm trying very hard to get bak my 1st place. haha... hopefully the previous one is oni a starting point 4 tis year~ =)

i wanna... =P

ADD OIL for myself!!

露营回来咯～

昨天刚从学校的露营回来
我觉得挺不错的
因为我认识了许多看起来很不友善的朋友
其实她们很好的哦～

（今天先写到这里，因为我还有很多功课得赶完。
有空再写吧~）

“露营”前闷闷的一天

明天要去“露营”了。我还没整理我的行李。一天而已，应该不会很重吧？^^

我毫无紧张的心情哦……不知道为什么 >.<

好期待明天的活动……

不知道好不好玩。=)

耶！我明天晚上又可以跟麻吉们睡在同一个屋檐下～

开心噢^^

但是我今天很闷。

不过今天上华文课时，老师教了一篇散文。

《小品文二则》刘庸^^

我觉得蛮有意义的。

他说：

人生总在选择。从你选择了，抬起脚，走上去的那一刻，你就再也不能回头。

让我觉得最感动是：

回头的路，已不是原来的路；

回头的你，已不是当初的你。

既然选了，就无所谓对错;

既然走了，就不要怨恨。

人生不能重新再来。

我，永远只是现在的我。

Blacklisted and Quarreled

I quarreled wit a boy today…

I couldn’t control my hatred deeply hidden in my soul…

I’d been listed in the blacklist of prefects…

I tot I’m going to tell her during the maths period in the classroom

Instead, she called me n the another 2 to the staffroom in the morning

I told her everything… she seemed to not understand my point…

Or maybe she holds her view still…

I didn’t tell Amanda this matter from A to Z…

Because I worried I’d cry…

I hardly tried to think of ways to distract my mind from thinking of tat…

Finally I passed till recess time…

no tears drop from my eyes…

Jz spinning at the bottom of my eyes…

(I turned to another direction so tat she wouldn’t notice…

But she’ll know when she read this… Plz dun be angry)

I couldn't accept...

She said gotta meet the principle if it repeats...

I can tell you...

This is my 1st time being absent for meetings...

I confessed tat I really forgot...

So I decided to go back at 1.05pm... Back home for lunch 1st then come again...

But my mom said tat I'm creating troubles for her... Plus my brother was sick...

So I didn't turn up...

Today morning, I apologized to the leader of prefects....

Coz she mempengerusikan the meeting yst...

I decided to inform the tchr during maths period...

But then, she called us at the 2nd period this morning...

COMMITMENT.... PROUD....

DISAPPOINTED.... those words were pronounced from her tongue....

Too bad... *hahaha... i'm super hyper extremely stupid, idiotic, klutz....

After the break, I had moral lesson...

The tchr didn't come...

Those fella making so much noise....

(I wished I could give each of them a slap on their disgusting faces)

How many times we asked you shut your yapping mouth up??

U asked me to shut up in contrary??

"Hey! U screamed 1st!!!!"

"Yes, I did... But I know wad I'm doing!!!"

"You are making noise!!!!"

Damn shit la you!

This is not your classroom okay?

If you wan to make noise please get out from here and beat it to yours la!!

You are spoiling our class' reputation now!!

I dunno how come my tears shed off very quickly after retorting against his words...

I really dislike boys...

Their ways of laughing as if gangsters tackling girls

and shouting as if dogs yapping

make me so furious....!!!!

I couldn't withstand any more...

Life's very gruelling and exhausting...

Why am I breathing here?

What should I do for my future?

Being diligent like a cow?

Being responsible like hell?

And pretending to be happy and cheered up all the time???

Nobody could help me in this... I knew....

Sometimes I prefer to be a normal student...

It can be the weakest....

But not among the top ones....

At least there won't be no a pile of burden waiting for me to be put on my breakable shoulders....

Am I right??

Some people really have fortunate...

They are able to escape from any punishments for wad they have done...

There no "justice" in this realistic world...

Finally I knew what she said when I was still a kid....

Please Don't Misunderstand.... The End: Edward Left Bella

he said the same thing like "him" to me....

the way they did.... almost the same......

haiz......

i really dun hv feeling to him......

i would only like him to be my fren.... =)

coz his funny facial expression n way of talking always make me feel happier.....

mb tat's his advantage =)

i told him....

always smile like the xxxxxx i know.......

"dun be too depressed over the problems u face..... ^^"

i'm jz worried tat he would misunderstand my feeling towards him.....

i can oni regard him as my fren.....

i jz like him to be my ordinary buddy......

not the special one..... =)

although he's one of the ones can make me laugh.....

*the following is nothing related to my real life..... just to share the story wit you ^^

Edward left Bella.......

(dunno y..... I felt very sad.....)

(i hope Edward would come back as fast as possible.....)

he told Bella: "it will be as if I'd never existed...." in the mid forest.....

Bella got lost in the jungle..... she wandered there non-stop to find him.....

she tot this is the only way to keep Edward stayed.....

unfortunately he only left a notice to her father saying they r going 4 a walk up the path......

so tat she could be found in the jungle......

he took away the photo they snapped together......

he also cleared everything in the CD given to Bella as her b'day gift.....

Bella had nothing left which was related to her beloved.....

any more....

he took everything.... including her soul.....

she was lifeless......

i read till page 97 now.....

looking 4ward to the day they marry n born a baby.....

in "Eclipse"...... =)

it's too inviting.....

jz love the story too much..... ^^

might cry while i'm reading the novel......

everything is worsening now......

she might be influenced by another "him" now......

take care =) n hope she would love the initial "him" always...... ^^

even though his sudden decision hurt her deeply....

切记：礼仪

有些女生，就是“与众不同”。。。

学业搞不好，算了。

样貌见不得光，也算了。

发娇技术一流，也算了。

伪造骗局，也算了。

不小心侵犯他人，也算了。

但是，

起码需要懂得"礼仪"的深藏意义啊！

你跟他说：帮我跟她说对不起。

他说：你别傻了。她不会怪你的，傻瓜。

然后，他传了这番话给我。

我真的不知道。

我不知道你们是同一类的人吗。

我不知道我该相信谁。

我不知道那是谁的过错。

我不知道该怎么办。

我不知道我这样做对吗。

我不知道。。。

我什么都不知道了。

不过我还是得感谢你，

不然我还是她的睡公主。

（不要问我发生什么事）

Nothing Special

i dunno.....

is it true?

i'm very tired aldi.....

trying to give up unnecessary things.....

sometimes..... we need to let the matter go......

so tat we'll be happier.....

执着只会让自己更累。。。

该放手的时候就放手。。。

不然以后彼此受到的创伤会更痛。。。

切记：

不是每个你觉得适合自己的东西一定适合你，

因为也许它也有自己的想法。。。

放手之后，我觉得自己少了烦恼，

比起从前，

我开朗多了。。。

希望我的抉择是对的 =)

i dunno y i'm writing tis today....

some people r really busybody.....

i know i should trust u....

i know u r my fren....

but sometimes r u telling me the truth? or u "redecorate" it b4 telling me?

i dun understand y......

y he wan to interrupted oth ppl's relationship?

u dun like the girl also....

jz let ppl do wad he wanna do la.....

he's much better than u actually.....

wad 4 fighting 4 tat "beauty"??

wad 4 u asked ppl to record the video??

dun abuse ur post okay??

BOASTFUL.... ARROGANT..... RUDE......

i know he's kind n helpful sometimes.....

but he shouldn't talk to ppl in a rude way when he's mad.....

y r u so inconsiderate??

i jz dislike ur these behaviour.....

u dun ever think of the sequences tat will follow behind ur action!

really can't get you sometimes.....

i hope u'll behave urself....

always respect people around u.....

especially teachers......

u won't have today without their assistance.....

being humble won't hurt ~

Borrowing NEW MOON from my dear lisa

i got NEW MOON!!!

yay~~~ allysa.... tq so much...

i love u~ hahaa.....

tq ya!!

it's really inviting.... touching..... interesting....

but....... i feel sad when i'm reading it.....

edward is too considerate n kind.....

he left bella for her sake......

he wanted her to live like normal human beings do.....

he wanted her to be safe from his species....

i jz hope i can finish tis novel as fast as i could.....

eagerly looking forward to read the "ECLIPSE"

i'm thinking how to spend the rm50 commission given by my father last month =P

mb..... hmmmmmph........

*whispering*

*i decided to buy "Eclipse" or "Breaking Dawn" (or BOTH) at the end of tis year..... huuhuuu~*

plz dun judge me as an imitate bookworm as i dun wear a spect now......

i used to wear b4 oh~ haha.....

okay la..... wanna do extra revision now~

bububye!

Dang Day

DANG IT! so angry today....

humph..... wad the hell is tat la?!!!

i said i DUN HAVE means DUN HAVE la.....

A: can i have ur phone no.?

B: i dun hv h/p oh...

A: wad? leng lui dun hv h/p no.?

B: really la.... u dun trust me?

A: nvm.... i'll go to desa 2 n find u.....

wad is tis?? i hv not seen u b4 la......

dunno who u r.....

i think i hv the right to lie now =.=

hmmph..... tat one is the 1st annoying matter today....

now 2nd scene is on.....

i was standing by the guard house at school in the early morning....

jz to wait those students who come late....

i can still withstand tis wasting of time.... FINE~ =)

but now.... ur chewing gum in ur mouth was seen by the tchr....

he asked u to spit it out....

i was still FINE wit tat.....

i walked backward since the drain is behind of me n the pathway is sooooooo narrow.....

BUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTT

y did u come so closed to me?? huh?!!!

y didn't u go n do ur business since i'd given u a way to walk??!!!!!

instead, u stood in front of me n blocked my way 4 several times until the prefect yelled at u..... stupid fella...... damn it~

if u dare to do so again, i dare to protest too.....

i will not be bullied by boys in school anymore.....

i know.... i'm short 4 u guys.... especially the upper form students.....

dun drive me to madness~

Sick Day

finally i'm sick....

i'd not been heavy sick for quite a long time ad....

sore throat, fever, flu and cough....

4 in 1....

good package....

luckily no breathing difficulty....

if it exists.... hmmm.....

i might have H1N1.....=.=

tis morning my mom didn't wan to wake me up.....

she wanted me to take a good rest....

very fortunately..... i set my alarm clock.... haha.....

coz i dun wan to miss any learning syllabus.....

plus i'm the one who is on duty to record students who come late for tis week.....

i wanna see how they r going to be punished by the headmistress today..... =.=

today the headmistress asked them to clean the toilets.....

haizzz..... the cleaners passed them brooms, detergent n a mop.....

i wonder if those students can cooperate well to "clean" the toilets....

i wanted to see but the tchr asked me to go bak classroom to study....

*pmr tis year = (

i oni heard the prefects said the students really did a "good job"

they slam the mop to the floor,

skidding on the slippery floor,

kick the doors and blah blah blah......

haha....

dunno la.... now i have to collect the form 3 classes' name lists.....

charm lo.....luckily my tchr asked me to give the duty to some oth prefects....

but i dunno whether they will pass the lists to me tmr....

it's in haste....

well.... jz try to put some trust in them....

i really trust some (*girls oni).... but the 3 boys.....

hmmmmmmmmm

i dunno i can their promise or not......

boys always loss their promise.....

i can't trust them too much.....

but i can't do anything

jz wait and see lo..... ^^

is it? nobody can't withstand me i guess....

3 years is so long....

jz imagine waiting a newborn baby to grow until 3 years old....

i know he's the one who wrote the msg.....

i can recognize....

i ad told him i won't fall for anybody anymore as long as i have not graduate....

but i told him not to wait me too....

OMG....

haiz....

today sc tchr announced tat our mid year term exam is prepared by the tchr from oth school....

tat means the paper is same 4 all the students in tis district~

haih.....

no tips... no clues.... no hints.....

gotta do revision on all the syllabus i had learnt....

form 1-form3

but luckily i started my revision ad~ phewww.....

i hope i can get flying colour 4 science~

hehe..... coz it's my favourite subject!

i'll go 4 the excellent result~!!!

kambateh ^^

i'm kinda diligent today.... amanda too!!!

she must be very happy if she see tis..... haha....

everyone was making noise in the class during moral period.....

felt like wanna use my maths book (it's the heaviest textbook among form 3 books) to slap those noise maker... ZzZZzzz

i dun understand why our moral tchr is so patient......=.=

mb tat's the reason she has been choosen as a moral tchr -------> kesabaran

(if i'm her.... their face will be deformed x__x)

well..... i'll make use of my extra time wisely from now on.....

it's a promise to myself.... not a lie......

i hope i can execute tis promise 4 my own sake~ =)

yea.... i've told my mom.....

i felt much relax....

i know.... she's the one who can understand me well.....

i dun wan to think of him any more

he's a passer-by in my life.....

i decided to give up...

yea... give up.....

i thought everything deeply ad.....

my mom n tchr r correct...

he'll go 4 further study...

if we continue....

i'll miss him too much until i can't concentrate on my own study....

i'm still young...

i hvn't sit 4 spm even pmr....

i dun wan my future to be disrupted.....

i wan it to be wonderful.... meaningful.....

so tat i won't regret...

besides... i hv thought abt his nature.....

well.... i dunno much abt him as i didn't see him often...

the feeling is jz like.... he's strange for me...

i like him was jz bcoz i had not seen any boys do well in exam like him b4....

tat's y i admire him...

so now.... i realized tat nature is the most vital condition to find a suitable mate....

i'm sorry tat i accepted him n left him in a sudden.....

i hope tis will be the memory in our life.....

i can't completely 4get.... but at least i let it go.....

if u see tis.... i hope u'll let it go.....

sorry n thank you

my heart never feel like tis b4....

i can oni make myself busy from thinking of him....

everytime i flash bak............

his appearance...

his smile...

his greeting goodnight to me....

his way of answering me....

his unique scent....

his favourite colour....

his favourite subject....

his favourite number....

his drawing 4 me...

his signature....

the teddy bear....

the teddy purse.....

the necklace....

the sweater....

the key chain....

N our warm embrace......

my tears will shed off......

i can't stop it...

maybe.......

everything will be fine aft tis havoc......

i'll think tat.....

mb we dun hv the fortune to be wit each oth 4ever....

mb my demands r too high....

mb my nature doesn't suit him....

mb my imagination was not logic.... thinking tat he must be a very perfect n suitable person 4 me....

actually.... i guess was wrong

i dunno him deeply....

i oni know him via his introduction of himself to me..... wit SMS.... is it? tat's my own view...

the time i get along wit him was scarce....

i couldn't give him happiness....

i couldn't give him everything a normal boy wants....

i prefer to leave....

is bcoz i'm selfish....

i wan my result to be very good....

in tis exam.... i got the 3rd place....

i was unsatisfied.... i'm an idiot!!!

i also dun like to hide the truth from my mom....

i'm telling her today....

hope she'll fathom my feeling...

when i cut my leg at night....

i feel kinda relax....

finally i could sleep....

he said there's no turning bak....

no turning bak....??

i'm very sad tat he said so....

i've told him it's jz 4 temporary.....

now.... mb.... i guess..... the followings r my assumption....

i think our relationship is a past

it's a sweetdream n nightmare...

it's a memory....

he tot the reason is bcoz of my mom n my impatience to wait him settle his stuff...

actually... he was WRONG....

if he didn't reconnect wit her.....

we r still together now....

sum girls.... really dun care abt their bf who develop further relationship wit the other girls.....

but i'm not tis type of girl!

i'm very serious in tis relationship....

i'd put alot of efford in it....

i hardly hide it from my mom....

i waited him to finish his work n accompany me to chat during the days....

i waited him to reply goodnight to me in the night....

i'd the extra effort to study is also due to his existance....

now......

everything is very dim.....

jz like the weather in the movie i watched recently....

TWILIGHT.....

i wish i could die now....

so tat both of us won't cry anymore....

when we see the related things....