Not Going to PRS Camp of 2010

my mom didn't allow me to go to the PRS camping in PD. well, i could fathom it well without any explanation is given by her though. she gave some kinda unreasonable excuses. but i know she's worried about me. =)

but when i told my buddies, they kinda upset. in another word, i might say they were almost mad. not insane la. haih. at the beginning, 1 of my frenz said her mom allowed her go there wit her brother's company. but then, when i told her tat i'm not going, she said her mom doesn't allow as well... jz bcoz of me T.T

aiyo... y did she go and tell her mom leh... mb she had her own difficulties? yea. everything is messed up now. den the others also dun wan to go aldi. haiz... in fact, i was so scared when i met them at the tapak perhimpunan yst morning. u know. i was so sure tat they would keep grumbling and those questions starting from the word "Why" would scatter on my head. it was really terrible and horrifying~ ceaseless nagging is scary! blah blah blah blah blah blah... =.=

after all, they are my sweethearts. i won't mind abt tat. but hor... if anyone of u saw tis, errmmmm... if can, IF la.... stop nagging O.o~ =) *please don't murder me arh...

I Don't Want

today my "da yi ma" came. the part is always painful and killing me for the 1st and 2nd day. jz hate this too much. going to consult a doctor soon. hopefully there's nothing wrong wit my body.

when i was in the school, the radiated pain entered my heart and brain. i need a rest. i lied on the table wit tchr's permission. i couldn't bear it any more. i felt very dizzy and feeble. as if going to faint. i wanted to go home. manda and jane helped me out. thx~ and my tchr as well =)

last time, whenever i was suffering from tis. i had a routine - telling him my situation to ease the discomfort of my mind. it would always slightly ease the pain. but now, i hv abolished tis habit. NO, is i shud abolish this.

i saw his blog. wad i oni know, is my heart undergoing numbness now. do i regret? is my decision correct? is he faithful and honest? and the most vital thing... will he wait? i have no idea. coz i dunno wad he's thinking now. i also dun really get him. is there anything special wit 23rd of april?

but i really dun understand boys sumtimes. it's a very deep knowledge for me to explore. their thinking is absolutely weird. last time, i tot i'm able to understand them very well as i used to be playful and rude like them when i was a kid. and i promised myself not to let my future bf or husband to suffer from the same hardships. but then, when i grow bigger, being a young girl now. i can't figure it out any more. i dun trust boys now, except the boy i know since standard one. he always keep his promises and is a very kind person i'd ever met.

actually, i didn't tell him my opinion on the marriage of my aunt b4 we broke up. coz i knew he was very busy. it's pointless to explain tis to him. most probably, he would think tat i was over-worried. my uncle hit my aunt in singapore. he pushed her towards the wall. i saw a bruise on her forehead. i felt very afraid. even though he is rich, his real attitude beneath his gentlemanly appearance terrified me a lot. in the past few months, i always picked up the calls from my aunt. she sobbed at another end of the phone. i knew, her marriage is going to crumple up wit divorce.

and i...

DUN WISH TO FOLLOW HER PATH AND

REGRET,

FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

Sports Day of SMK TD2

today was the sports day of my school for the 2nd time. i joined the marching and 4x100m race. huhuhu... i prayed desperately so tat it wouldn't rain yst. hmmph, unfortunately it rained cat and dog since ystd midnight till tis morning. the field was so damp and muddy.

we (Pandu Puteri) were informed not to avoid from the mud and puddles when we marched. omg... my pants and shoes were extremely damp. then, we had to stand under the hot sun as our principle giving a speech for the opening ceremony. aft about 30 minutes, we bak to our initial position n "keluar baris". turned to right, plak~ the water splashed everywhere onto everyone! haha. den 1, 2, 3... bye bye~

i waited so long for my turn to run. wad the hell la... my event was the last one to be carried out. sabarlah~ ^^ at least i could know which part was the most slippery, so tat i wouldn't fall. while i was waiting, i watched the boys running.

there's a boy who could run like EDWARD CULLEN in NEW MOON!!!!! he's so fast like a cheetah! so cool~ i couldn't imagine how he was able to do so. it's like... ermmm... there's no air existing around him as he could run relaxedly... COOL MAN~ tis is an eye-opening experience for me. (u can't imagine his running speed if u dun see the scene before ur eyes!) i still wanna say: he's too cool! (*unfortunately he's not my rumah T.T)

hooahoo~ finally it's my turn to run. i was so nervous. coz i worried tat i'll fall like i did last year. it's very embarrassing. wad a poor man! ys slipped at the beginning, so our speed was slowed down apparently. i was the 3rd runner. from the bak, i saw my another fren running calmly towards me. if i'm not mistaken, she was the 2nd one at the moment. i gripped the baton tightly. i muttered softly: dun be panic. stay steady. there's no water in front of you! RUN RUN RUN!!!! i ran thru despite of the puddles and mud. hey~ i finished running! i didn't slip!! yeah!

but the aft i passed the baton to my fren, she slipped not far away. kesian hana... she stood up quickly and continue the racing! hoooray!!! we did it~ we got the 3rd place! hehehe ^^ good job, my sweeties! haha.

i got sunburn almost all over my body. my nose, my cheeks, my neck, and my ARMS especially!!! haih... so painful and itchy here. too bad. in my opinion, my darkened skin will take at least 3 months to become fair like before. *i'm heart-broken over my pitiful skin T.T

although we didn't get the 1st place tat we wanted thirstily, at least we stood up and ran! ys n hana... ^^ tq alot!

Days Full of Overwhelming Pressure

i'm so busy tis few days. many things gotta be done by this week. rushing here... rushing there... almost forget to take a breath.

1st: i have to decorate the chinese corner. jz to win the particular competition. well, some didn't hand in the information to me. i can't do anything. so i guess i can oni use those wit me. haiz... might stay bak at school tmr again. (i'd been staying bak everyday in tis week)

before i continue listing out my following "projects", i would like to tell u the "expedition of the story" ==...

ystd our khb tchr appeared at the bak door of our classroom. den my dear n cute fren who spoke to the tchr, telling me tat our class lack of 3 things which r the knacks to beat the othrs in the class-decorating competition~ walao... she said all these must be done b4 the tchr go on patrol n do judgement class by class---- tat means: the dateline is tis fri! huh...=O

2nd: here comes the hell... 1stly, our school vision--- DISIPLIN KUALITI CEMERLANG must be displayed on the wall of our class... i'd decided to do it when i have free time during weekend... AND NOW~ it has to be done b4 fri... 2days to go... BUT we have sports day tmr T.T so we oni have 1 day left!!! oh my GOSH~ yet, very fortunately, the mentioned girl volunteered to help my prepare, print n cut the letters out...i'm really grateful to have such a good helper~ thx ya ^^ (instead of having a so call penolong ketua keceriaan of good escaper from jobs.u know, it's a boy. boys always act so, n i'd got used to it) i climbed on the table n pasted them above the whiteboard. my t-shirt was wet thru by sweat... huhu~!!

3rd: another condition is to have a sudut bacaan~ haih... heihei...boy... i'll keep grumbling if u don't keep ur promises!! =.= i asked him to prepare a table 4 me (i passed him a note during lesson... shhh~ =D) i saw he wrote: why it's me? hmmph... "why is the others?" i murmured in my mind. luckily, didn;t know where did he get the table from. a table was sitting at the corner behind of the classroom. dun 4get to collect the books from our class students ya! well, u dun hv to worry, i'll remind u around the clock tmr~

4rd: sudut PPDA!! i didn't find tis hard 4 me. all thx to my counselling tchr! hehe... i got the brochures from her as well as i found some articles abt PPDA n drugs on the internet. the oni thing is i had to figure out the decoration of the title "SUDUT PPDA". i simply did it, but i think it's not too bad... at least, it's not an eye-sore for me, haha... so, i'd done it today during stay-back-time~ woahoo =)

i think aft tis week, i 'll get bak my relaxing life. finally i can bak to my revision n preparation 4 the exam~!! i'm trying very hard to get bak my 1st place. haha... hopefully the previous one is oni a starting point 4 tis year~ =)

i wanna... =P

ADD OIL for myself!!

露营回来咯～

昨天刚从学校的露营回来
我觉得挺不错的
因为我认识了许多看起来很不友善的朋友
其实她们很好的哦～

（今天先写到这里，因为我还有很多功课得赶完。
有空再写吧~）

“露营”前闷闷的一天

明天要去“露营”了。我还没整理我的行李。一天而已，应该不会很重吧？^^

我毫无紧张的心情哦……不知道为什么 >.<

好期待明天的活动……

不知道好不好玩。=)

耶！我明天晚上又可以跟麻吉们睡在同一个屋檐下～

开心噢^^

但是我今天很闷。

不过今天上华文课时，老师教了一篇散文。

《小品文二则》刘庸^^

我觉得蛮有意义的。

他说：

人生总在选择。从你选择了，抬起脚，走上去的那一刻，你就再也不能回头。

让我觉得最感动是：

回头的路，已不是原来的路；

回头的你，已不是当初的你。

既然选了，就无所谓对错;

既然走了，就不要怨恨。

人生不能重新再来。

我，永远只是现在的我。

Blacklisted and Quarreled

I quarreled wit a boy today…

I couldn’t control my hatred deeply hidden in my soul…

I’d been listed in the blacklist of prefects…

I tot I’m going to tell her during the maths period in the classroom

Instead, she called me n the another 2 to the staffroom in the morning

I told her everything… she seemed to not understand my point…

Or maybe she holds her view still…

I didn’t tell Amanda this matter from A to Z…

Because I worried I’d cry…

I hardly tried to think of ways to distract my mind from thinking of tat…

Finally I passed till recess time…

no tears drop from my eyes…

Jz spinning at the bottom of my eyes…

(I turned to another direction so tat she wouldn’t notice…

But she’ll know when she read this… Plz dun be angry)

I couldn't accept...

She said gotta meet the principle if it repeats...

I can tell you...

This is my 1st time being absent for meetings...

I confessed tat I really forgot...

So I decided to go back at 1.05pm... Back home for lunch 1st then come again...

But my mom said tat I'm creating troubles for her... Plus my brother was sick...

So I didn't turn up...

Today morning, I apologized to the leader of prefects....

Coz she mempengerusikan the meeting yst...

I decided to inform the tchr during maths period...

But then, she called us at the 2nd period this morning...

COMMITMENT.... PROUD....

DISAPPOINTED.... those words were pronounced from her tongue....

Too bad... *hahaha... i'm super hyper extremely stupid, idiotic, klutz....

After the break, I had moral lesson...

The tchr didn't come...

Those fella making so much noise....

(I wished I could give each of them a slap on their disgusting faces)

How many times we asked you shut your yapping mouth up??

U asked me to shut up in contrary??

"Hey! U screamed 1st!!!!"

"Yes, I did... But I know wad I'm doing!!!"

"You are making noise!!!!"

Damn shit la you!

This is not your classroom okay?

If you wan to make noise please get out from here and beat it to yours la!!

You are spoiling our class' reputation now!!

I dunno how come my tears shed off very quickly after retorting against his words...

I really dislike boys...

Their ways of laughing as if gangsters tackling girls

and shouting as if dogs yapping

make me so furious....!!!!

I couldn't withstand any more...

Life's very gruelling and exhausting...

Why am I breathing here?

What should I do for my future?

Being diligent like a cow?

Being responsible like hell?

And pretending to be happy and cheered up all the time???

Nobody could help me in this... I knew....

Sometimes I prefer to be a normal student...

It can be the weakest....

But not among the top ones....

At least there won't be no a pile of burden waiting for me to be put on my breakable shoulders....

Am I right??

Some people really have fortunate...

They are able to escape from any punishments for wad they have done...

There no "justice" in this realistic world...

Finally I knew what she said when I was still a kid....